TheInBetween

Well, here’s the set up: I’m 23, living on my own, and working full time. I have no clue what I want to do with my life, and at this point, I’m ok with that. My family on the other hand… along with the rest of society, is not quite as ok with my presently anchored life.

My question: Why do I have to keep changing and growing up? Why can’t I stay where I am at right now? I don’t want to grow up yet. I love where I am now. I know I want more, eventually. I want to get married, have children, build a career, and all of the other awfully conventional things, but what’s the hurry? Why can’t I just be? Where does that urgency come from? I mean really! Who the heck decided to say one day, “Hey you’re 18, you’re an adult now, it’s time you decided what you want to do for the rest of your life. And you better start doing it now!” Uh… what? I’m sorry, I don’t know what I want to do for the next 40 years. I’m sure there are a lot of things I’m going to want to try. And as much as I want to try those things, I want to fail at those things. Isn’t that what helps us grow, isn’t failing what makes us stronger and smarter? How boring and mundane it would be to always succeed. I’m not saying I don’t want to succeed. But I want spice, I want excitement and vivacity. I want to fail with flair and succeed with style. I heard someone say once that if you can’t be great at failure, you can’t be great at success.  I don’t want to spend my life thinking and worrying about tomorrow. If I can’t enjoy now, I’ll never enjoy later. There will always be something else. If all I want is to get married, what happens when I do get married. I’ll be bored and soon want something else. Half the fun is the anticipation. How long it takes and hard I work to get a great job will have a huge part in the satisfaction I get from that job. I just want to be twenty-something, with a knack for failure.